git commit -am "fuck this shit"

1:52 AM...

It was late. I'm cozy. The office began feeling like my living room three hours ago.

Years ago, I started wondering if any of the time spent in front of machines would be worth the hassle. The question still gives me pause.

1:56 AM...

A merge conflict. A fucking merge conflict! Where the fuck did I go wrong this time? Why? Why now?

Why are we doing this shit?

The money. The money. The money decreasingly pacifies my soul as I stare at least 6 bash prompts, each riddled with mostly bullshit.

Code never works the way I need it to work.

My social skills have suffered over the years because I've grown to deconstruct everything. The great ones do. The best approach the world the way a watchmaker builds mechanical watches. That is not normal. I don't know why we make it seem like it is. We, we're naive. We, the tech 'community': the engineers, the data scientists, myself and the other tech fucks out there who inexplicably take pleasure in bullying the rest of the world as pedants.

Think.

2:18 AM...

Focus.
You're pimping your brain.
You need to,
because
nothing else pays,
hardly any
other work garners such respect,
you have a family,
you're the genius they need,
you're the one,
you talk machine,
machines
are
everything,
machines look at you,
a medium,
yet,
the machines don't like to FUCKING LISTEN—

2:22 AM...

Another raised exception. Dope. I'm fucked. They'll find out I don't know how to do this and think I'm incomp—worse!—stupid, just plain stupid. But I'm the example. There has to be a way. Think. You can do at least another hour. I'll just read a few more modules line-by-line. I'm probably missing something.

3:54AM...

At least another half an hour.

4:18AM...

It works? Wait! It works! Alright, a few more inputs. I know they're trying to prove a point. It needs to be perfect before I send it out for review.

Just...one more test... NO! NO!

4:22AM...

What if I try...wow. I need help.

But they'll think I'm stupid.
They'll doubt the next me.
I don't even deserve to be here.

Renee?

Greg

Software Engineer

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